Self Care: Pranic Healing, parts 4 &5

Despite having seen the results of Pranic Healing on Adrian, I was a little sceptical about energy healing at a distance. The geeky part of me wants to know why it works. The egotistical part of me wants to snap when he describes Reiki (which I used to practise and have recently dabbled with again) as last centuries technology. He talks of protocols, of not needing gifts. Yet there’s clearly something in it.

I think the best way for me to tell you about the final two sessions, where Adrian worked on my (from a distance, before you get saucy thoughts!), is to tell you what I texted him ‘the morning after’.)

Read about the first two sessions here: Self Care: Pranic Healing

Read about session three here: Self Care: Pranic Healing Third Session

Session 4, Monday 26 August

I knew Adrian was planning to do a healing, but he didn’t text before starting.

My WhatsApp:

Trust me, from where I’d been the day before emotionally, this was massive!

Session 5, Friday 30 August

This was my final session.

Again, I’m going to let my message to Adrian speak for itself!

In Conclusion

Pranic healing, especially at distance, has to be treated as complementary to other things we do, in my opinion,

Certainly I’ve heard anecdotes about cancer, but I’ve heard similar from Aloe Vera product sellers. I don’t want to play down the power of these things, even if it’s a placebo effect it’s worked for someone. But suggesting pranic as anything other than complementary seems to me to be irresponsible.

As a ‘heightener’ I suspect it would help make traditional medicines more efficient, if only for the more positive mental state that it creates.

I certainly got considerable benefit. It may have been the time to relax. It may have been the focus. It may have been the extra water. Or it may just be that there’s a little magic in here.

It certainly worked alittle magic on me. I’m not cured. I still have CPTSD, but I never asked Adrian to work on that. (And I have been able to laugh about my last ‘trigger’, which I will share in another blog because at the end of the day it was quite funny.)

Has Pranic changed my mindset? It seems to have. I do have some moments. I’m still workiing on me. But it certainly seems to have helped, to the point where I’m going to find out more, and maybe even learn to practise pranic healing myself.

Find sources of help and support for adult grooming: Life After Grooming

Contact the Campaign Against Adult Grooming: Contact us

Unravelling Marriage Fraud

Following our article on UK Marriage Fraud, I have talked with Kim Sow of Immigration Marriage Fraud Consultancy (IMFCO).

Kim has kindly shared a lot of contacts that will be useful for anyone groomed into a marriage for immigration purposes. I’ll make sure that all of these are added to our list of useful resources (Life After Grooming)

What has amazed me is the complexity of fraud marriages and the lengths people go to.

So, in an attempt to unravel and explain where this fits, the following is a summary, which will also help with some of the terminology. Note that this is topline only, and does not pretend to offer legal definitions.

Arranged Marriage: the bride and groom are chosen third parties, not the couple themselves. This will often be parents or professional matchmakers, and is often culturally driven. It is consensual, legal and very different from a forced marriage.

Forced Marriage is illegal across the UK, and applies to UK citizens’ marriages forced abroad as well as in the UK. It is where an individual is coerced into marriage, and it doesn’t need to be physical coercion – suggestions that not to marry will bring shame, or familial pressure, are also criminal.

Marriage Fraud is a type of romance scam. One partner is lured by a foreigner feigning romantic interest into marriage, usually to gain legal rights (such as citizenship) or money.

Sham Marriage (Fake Marriage) is a marriage entered into with no real intention to enter into a marital relationship – a marriage of convenience of convenience where people gain from the marriage – perhaps money or citizenship rights. (Note that definitions of sham marriages differ across countries/jurisdictions.) Sham marriages are illegal,,

Grooming?

Both forced marriage and arranged marriage are grooming if an individual or individuals formed a relationship with the express intention of tricking another into marriage.

Sham marriages include two people who consent to the arrangement and this is NOT grooming (although it’s usually illegal).

But marriage fraud is always grooming. One partner’s intent was unclear and the other would almost certainly not have consented to the relationship had they known its true purpose.

Change is Needed

As I learn more, my own thoughts on marriage fraud are refining.

There are issues around marriage legality and bigamy thrown up under sharia law. There are calls for a register, which CAAGe would back:

  • Marriage fraud should be treated as a criminal offence in line with sham marriages;
  • Foreign marriage fraudsters should be unable to claim money and assets from British citizens;
  • Foreign nationals should be deported in marriage fraud cases;
  • The Data Protection Act should be exempted in cases of marriage fraud;
  • The UK should seek international agreements with other countries to seize money and assets held overseas in marriage fraud cases;
  • The Home Office should have a specialist hotline fore reporting Fraud & illegal immigration.

Stay tuned to hear more as I discuss further ways forward with Kim.

Places to find help and support after grooming: Life after Grooming

If you’ve been groomed as an adult and would like to help us understand better, please participate in our (totally anonymous) ongoing survey: Adult Grooming Survey

Self Care: Pranic Healing Third Session

So today I had my third of four pranic healing sessions with pranic healer Adrian Worger

This session was a little different to the previous two and Adrian talked me through beforehand.

Up until now, Adrian had been working on the trauma and stress caused by grooming and what had followed. He had some questions, which I answered. He had spoken to his guides and they had decided that perhaps I needed to work on forgiveness and anger.

Catch up on the previous two sessions here

This was hard for me to hear. Channelling anger about groomers on behalf of myself and others into CAAGe helps me turn something negative into a positive, and my take on anger is that it’s an underrated emotion, that we bottle it way too much. Especially the English. Latin cultures let it all hang out, and they’re way more sociable.

But English I am, and I trust Adrian, so anger healing it was was to be. I would, he assured me, be able to come at CAAGe with a far better more balanced perspective if I let it go. Two thoughts came to mind:

  1. Ouch! My approach to CAAGe is angry and unbalanced? (Insecure? Me?)
  2. Anything I feel for my groomer, who at one point I believed I was truly a soul mate to, doesn’t feel like bitterness and need to forgive him. Have I buried it deep? Do I feel anything towards him at all any more? Other than calling on my own experience with him to help relate to others or deal with ongoing police things, I rarely give him a second thought.

But in for a penny….this session I lay on the bed. I didn’t record myself this session, just went with it.

Similarities with previous sessions were the first half on back feeling part conscious, the need to turn over half way through, a second half in which I feel half asleep but miraculously ‘wake up’ at the point Adrian finishes his session.

A difference this time was that my hands and feet, and definitely more pronounced in my feet, were burning. Not just warm, burning. The sort of sensation I sometimes feel if reiki-ing someone with a damaged limb.

Afterwards I again felt light and energetic (although the bathroom scales, sadly, refused to play ball!) That feeling has lasted into today, and it’s certainly a feeling that piles of anti-depressants haven’t achieved.

Three sessions in, I do feel calmer. I do feel happier. I do feel less worried. Whether that’s the pranic healing or the conversion of other factors, who knows? I can only relay my own experience and feelings.

Adrian describes the way that pranic healing works as follows: psychology will help you through the maze, pranic healing helps you break down the walls.

I expected Wendy, our counselling psychologist, to guide me away from alternative practises, for some reason. She always seems so grounded to me. Far from it.

“Sounds like you needed the healing session” she said when I spilled out a stressful tale of woe to her. As usual, I think she’s right!

Keep an eye on the CAAGe Twitter account or join us on Facebook.

Self Care: Pranic Healing

In the warm up to a focus on self care after grooming, I have been trying out pranic healing to see if it might be of help.

Yep, I know it sounds a bit ‘woo-woo’, out there, but I’m a somewhat lapsed Reiki practitioner and know, placebo or not, that the mind can do powerful things.

I came to pranic healing by accident. I was cat/house sitting and the owners asked if I would mind if Adrian Worger used their back room for a couple of nights. I’ve met Adrian, he’s a family friend and of course I wasn’t going to say no.  Three weeks in a house alone, I was delighted to have the company.

Adrian turned up, and gone was the nervy, edgy ‘gotta find a partner’ man I knew, replaced by a calmer Adrian with an inner glow.

Adrian has become a pranic healer after pranic healing worked for him.  So what is pranic healing?

According to the Pranic Healing Research Institute, “Pranic Healing is an energy “no-touch” healing system based on the fundamental principle that the body has the innate ability to heal itself. Pranic Healing utilizes “life force,” “energy,” or prana to accelerate the body’s inborn ability to heal itself.”

Adrian knows something of my story, being groomed by a complete shite on top of a whole load of other mini traumas. He persuaded me to give it a try. I was initially concerned – I suffer (less now than before) from cpstd and at one point last year was close to being suicidal as my world fell apart. I didn’t want those things dragged up carelessly in the way a counsellor with no understanding of grooming had.

First Session

The first healing session was odd. I was on the beach, so lying still for an hour was not going to look odd or unusual. However, would my phone hold out for the hour?

Didn’t need it.

Five minutes after a ‘we’re going to start in five minutes’ call, I lay flat on my back, hands upwards, nothing crossed, and waited for a call. When it didn’t come, I closed my eyes and focused on nothing. Over the next hour I had various sensations.

At the half hour point I had a series of really rapid ‘mini-nightmares’, of traumatic ‘things’ leaving my life.  An attractive but bad match (for me) suitor; the cats I fear I’ve been dumped with after agreeing to a short term fostering arrangement; my ex husband; and, of course, the groomer I thought I had pretty much consigned to history, along with others.

I felt the need to lie on my stomach half way through, and I did feel like someone was trying to release the tension in my shoulders.  But as Adrian hadn’t been able to call, or so I thought, I paid little attention. A good recuperative lie down in the sun by the sea would normally leave me wanting to sleep for the rest of the day, but I felt surprisingly energetic.

I felt bad (as in naughty!). I was wide awake and energised and after 50 minutes, itching to move, I got up and moved about. I couldn’t stay still any more.

But afterwards we talked – the healing session had happened. And I found a text on my phone from Adrian. The session had been shorter than usual – just 40 minutes.I have no idea whether what I was experiencing was down to the pranic healing. But I’d know what to expect the next time.

Second Session

Adrian waited patiently for me to extract myself from the meeting I was in and we started a little later than expected. For this session I lay out on my bed, in a cool, shady place.

The first half hour was again slightly awkward, with me initially wondering what was happening, if anything, and then taking notes of what I was experiencing. Warmth in different parts of my body, the feeling of releasing pressure in my shoulders, of tension increasing and releasing around my neck and throat area, and colours behind my eyes. Again at the half way spot I felt the need to turn over.

During both sessions I cried. This is unusual for me. I rarely cry on my own account. It felt like a release.

After both sessions I felt energised.

The day after the second healing I had a ‘cold’ which lasted just a couple of hours. It felt like getting rid of a load of ‘muck’. Was it anything to do with the healing? No idea, but I felt better, less stressed around the face and sinuses, once it was over.

Whether it’s the stopping and being mindful, whether it’s the time to focus or whether Adrian has mystical healing powers, remains to be seen. I have two more sessions to go and feel emotionally a whole lot lighter. My libido is returning – I hadn’t even realised it was low. I’m breathing easier and carrying less tension in my shoulders.

Given that there’s no touch, no reliving traumas, I can’t see how pranic healing can be harmful. If some of what I’m experiencing is down to the pranic healing, bring it on. If it’s just a placebo effect, I don’t care.

There have been uncomfortable moments, painful emotionally, but brief, manageable, and feel like a relief when released (although having ‘experienced’ what it would be like for the five cats to actually leave me I’m not now entirely sure I want them to go. Crazy cat lady beckons!)

Importantly for me at this stage of my own recovery journey was the following:

  • I didn’t have to articulate, again, the mishmash of events that were my grooming;
  • I didn’t have to share my personal pains and thoughts;
  • All I had to do was sit still for an hour.

I have two more sessions to come and promise to report back. And I’m hoping Adrian will share what he was doing at his end too!

In the meantime, if you’ve tried something that’s worked for you, please let us know in the comments below or contact us, and we’ll try it out and/or cover it here.

If you’ve been groomed, please considewr completing our research survey, which is totally anonymous: survey

UK Marriage Fraud

A few days ago I saw a documentary* on women who had been duped by foreigners into marriages. It hit me immediately. This is classic grooming: love bombing, often going as far as marriage, just to get their British passport or visa, or to scam money, then vanish.

I made contact with Michelle Nawar, founder of Stop UK Marriage Fraud, who has been campaigning for protection of UK citizens from marriage fraud. She has been campaigning since 2012 and is both knowledgeable and articulate.

Michelle has a wealth of knowledge and understanding and is happy to hear out anyone who has fallen foul of a marriage scam. Like most grooming, until you see it up close and personal it’s fairly hard to understand what happens.

I know when I met my groomer for the first time, I was silently laughing at myself for having feelings for someone I’d never actually met. Cranking that up a gear, if you’ve met them and are being groomed, go figure how you work that one out. Unless you’re hard-hearted enough to believe that love can’t exist across borders, across cultures, across ages (and there are thousands of ‘this works’ examples), it’s almost impossible to tell, especially if their families have apparently welcomed you into the fold and/or there are children involved.

In the year that I’ve been looking at grooming closely, few of the groomers have gone as far as marriage, but in this case, the goal of the grooming IS the marriage, as a passport (almost literally) to something else.

Michelle identifies the four primary motivators:

  1. Money;
  2. Visas;
  3. Sex;
  4. To avoid military service.

You’ll see below (related criminality) that the motives, if not the consequent actions, can be far more sinister.

Marriage Scam v Marriage Fraud

A marriage scam is where one party pays the other to marry them. The marriage is fake, and both parties are aware. It’s illegal in most places.

In a marriage fraud, only the fraudulent party is aware of the lack of sincerity, and the other partner is duped into believing it is real. IT’s not given the same treatment as marriage scams.

Michelle’s Experience

Michelle met , and was swept off her feet by Walid. She was welcomed into his family, and married him, bringing him to live in England with her where she supported him through a diving qualification.

Eventually he obtained a British passport and visa, and the following day left the marriage. He had what he had married for. What should have been a day of celebration was the day the truth unfurled.

He then went on to marry in his homeland. He retains rights as a British citizen and faces no repercussions for this blatant fraud.

Criminality

Like most grooming, it usually takes another kind of crime for this to be taken seriously.

In her time campaigning, Michelle has seen:

  • Violence: Murder or attempted murder, arson
  • Rape or domestic violence:  false allegations of rape and domestic violence made against the ‘Sponsor of the Foreign National’
  • Financial: Obtaining money by deception, fraud of financial institutions, benefit fraud, tax Evasion
  • Identity fraud: fake identities and false passports
  • Theft or handling of stolen goods
  • Bigamy
  • Drugs
  • Child abduction and child abuse
  • Organised crime: Support of terrorist groups, human trafficking, prostitution,honour killings
  • Corruption/attempted corruption of police and officials both overseas and in the UK
  • Blackmail
  • Cheating in English tests (ie sending somebody else whose English is better)

This has to be taken seriously.

Campaign Action

Michelle and UK Marriage Fraud are campaigning for various things, and CAAGe is happy to join them in campaigning for the following:

  • Marriage fraud should be treated as a criminal offence in line with sham marriages;
  • Foreign marriage fraudsters should be unable to claim money and assets from British citizens;
  • Foreign nationals should be deported in marriage fraud cases;
  • The Data Protection Act should be exempted in cases of marriage fraud;
  • The UK should seek international agreements with other countries to seize money and assets held overseas in marriage fraud cases;
  • The Home Office should have a specialist hotline fore reporting Fraud & illegal immigration.

We will look for practical ways to support these aims going forward.

CAAGe position

Although I bow to Michelle’s wider knowledge and understanding of marriage fraud, I personally feel unable to support anything targeted at specific ethnic groups, so our campaigning is less broad than the Stop UK Marriage Fraud ones. I hope she’l forgive me on this front.

However, our campaigning against grooming also extends beyond the UK. Although much of our campaigning is, by dint of location, UK focused, we are happy to help where we can with grooming in other countries. Notably, we are often approached by US citizens, and are happy to offer what help and advice we can.

We look forward to supporting Michelle’s anti-marriage fraud campaign going forward.

Victim Blaming

As an aside, I have rarely seen more victim blaming than in the case of marriage fraud. These women (and men) have been persuaded, often against their better judgement, by these grooming individuals and their complicit families and friends, that this relationship is genuine. They often end up with debt, the pain of a broken relationship, broken relationships with family…. and then the World wants to call them stupid.

We must inform people better about grooming. It works because it’s credible, insidious, creeping. Their targets got duped, but I’d stake my life that they’ve tried before, failed and refined their MO (modus operandi -way of operating). Let’s put the blame where it belongs: with the groomer, not their victim.

UK Marriage Visa: conditions

UK Marriage Fraud: Facebook page

Ways to get involved with CAAGe: Take action

If you’ve been the victim of marriage fraud, please help us by adding you experience anonymously to our survey: Survey into adult grooming

*Channel 5, Holiday Love Cheats

Photo by Lanty on Unsplash

Who are narcissists attracted to and why?

CAAGe counselling psychologist, Wendy Gregory, has created a video explaining who narcissists are attracted to and why.

Wendy’s list of the six things that narcissists look for:

  1. ‘Shining girls and boys’, because they want to be reflected in the shine;
  2. Highly sensitive people;
  3. Tender-hearted people (empaths);
  4. People who see the good in others;
  5. Vulnerability;
  6. Abandonment or rejection issues.

Contact Wendy via CAAGe: Contact us

Q&A: I’m sure my daughter’s being groomed.

Reader’s question: I’m sure my daughter’s being groomed. What should I do?

Case summary: A worried mother feels her daughter is being groomed by a woman she met online. This woman pretended to be someone else, but when the daughter went to meet her, she was not the person she said she was. (Catfished, but obviously this is now in the open.) The daughter was dealing with a bereavement at the time and her mother feels she was vulnerable. The daughter is now in a relationship with this woman, living in an intimate relationship with her, and supporting her financially.

Alarm bells ring when someone one has met online isn’t the person they pretended to be (‘catfishing’), and this is often a pretty clear sign of some kind of grooming. And the fact that the daughter is now supporting this woman may offer a clue to possible motive.

However, there may have been a legitimate reason for using an alternative identity, and it’s important to maintain a sense of balance and not react immediately.

Warning signs

Signs that this relationship may not be all that it seems include:

  • The daughter behaving unusually, perhaps cutting off old friends, family, or giving up activities she previously enjoyed
  • Parting with money/goods
  • If the daughter normally uses social media and has stopped posting pictures of herself or never includes her partner in those images

Unfortunately each and every one of these could have other, perfectly legitimate, reasons. All a mother can do is watch, encourage, keep and open door and listen.

Legal position

CAAGe doesn’t pretend to offer legal advice, so I’m hoping that anyone reading this may have something to add.

Sadly, as far as I’m aware, there is nothing that can be done legally at present. It’s two adults having a relationship.

It is small consolation to the mother that often sexual grooming of this nature only lasts for about six months, although we have seen cases, obviously, of far longer periods.

It is , of course, perfectly feasible that the couple are really happy together, but given the alarm bells that the deceit raises, I would be keeping an eye out for:

  • signs of coercive control (The link also offers access to help and support)
  • signs of financial fraud (at which point, the police can step in)

Make sure any evidence is noted. If necessary, keep a diary, recording any odd behavior, with dates and times.

Supporting the daughter

Our own research shows that families struggle to get it right around support for the people who have been groomed. Sadly there is no template, but its safe to say that the victims need a supportive ear and practical help rather than ‘I told you so’ or ‘I knew something was up’ once the shock of discovery hits.

It’s important to understand that she may not be ready to hear anything bad about her partner, and that by confronting her, the mother may damage the relationship — and leave the daughter with less support going forward.

Investigation

I’d be inclined to run an online search on the girlfriend’s name.

Key both her name and the alias she used into Google and see what comes up. I’d be looking for inconsistencies in story, reports of wrongdoing, other relationships, commentary. Do the same with her phone number(s).

A reverse picture search on both her real image and any she used when she gave the daughter a false identity may also bring up information: how to do a reverse image search.

Note that there are services that will give you data based on a phone number such as addresses etc, but you run two risks with these:

  1. You are entering your personal details and account number into a somewhat dodgy site and leaving yourself open to financial fraud;
  2. Most of these sites are almost certainly illegal.

Screen shot/save anything that suggests grooming, financial abuse, freeloading.

No matter what the temptation, avoid commenting anywhere and leave as little ‘digital footprint’ as possible.

If anything untoward is found, create a dossier, but sleep on it before confronting the girlfriend (who will have a lots of excuses ready, and may already have explained these things away. Groomers are great liars) or telling the daughter.

Decide what you want to achieve before taking any action. Do you want to:

  • open the daughter’s eyes to the reality of her partner?
  • break up the relationship?
  • expose the girlfriend as a groomer/fraud?

The biggest consideration has to be the daughter who has given herself over to a relationship. She may well be ungrateful for any interference, however well intended.

Mum has to think carefully. The absence of digital proof does not mean that there is none. Indeed, it’s pretty unusual to have NO digital presence. Will doing a search and finding nothing leave her more or less concerned? And if the daughter finds out, she doubtless regard this as an act of treachery – how dare mum not trust her to make her own relationships?

IF the girlfriend is up to no good, she has the upper hand at present. Love can blind a person, and a ‘successful’ groomer is great at poisoning their prey against family and friends.

Cautionary note

There’s a big ‘BUT’ with this. Be extremely cautious. There is a thin line between investigating and stalking, between concern and obsession. Go too far and mum risks both alienating the daughter and breaking laws.

The big question is whether, armed with the knowledge, to confront the daughter and risk both ruptured relationships and alienation. Moreover, if the daughter then tries to leave the groomer, she is open to both manipulation (verbal) and even physical confrontation.

It is important to plan any disclosure in a calm, protected environment rather than a knee jerk reaction. I’d advise mum to talk this over with a good, trusted friend or family member before doing anything. If telling the daughter, it may help to have a calming influence on hand, perhaps in a public place where emotions are less likely to explode.

The hard truth about grooming is that when it starts, it feels good, sometimes great, sometimes exhilarating. This stage is quite possibly the worst time to approach or confront someone who is being groomed. The victim may need some help adjusting to this new truth, and will almost certainly be shocked.

Often grooming then moves to a ‘gaslighting’ phase, where the target is made to feel bad about themselves in order for the groomer to feel good about themselves and/or establish control. In this phase, the groomer’s target is vulnerable and may not be thinking clearly, even so strongly bonded to the groomer that despite knowing things are wrong will refuse to acknowledge it to themselves, let alone anyone else.

It’s a situation equivalent to telling a friend that their husband/wife is cheating on them. Well-intentioned, but can go horribly wrong for the person trying to help.

CAAGe sources of support hand be found: HERE

Contact CAAGe: CONTACT

NOTE: We focused in the grooming in this response, but are conscious that finding out that your child is same sex attracted can be hard for parents. We found this article, which we feel may be helpful, and suggest that Stonewall may also be a source of further help and advice if needed:Why some parents experience a child’s coming out as loss.

Photo by Tallie Robinson on Unsplash

Book Review: Restored (Handbook)

Off the bat, I don’t mind telling you that I was worried when I saw this handbook, which is specifically for female Christian survivors of domestic abuse. I was thankfully wrong and can wholeheartedly recommend this to anyone of any denomination for the practical help it offers alone.

Far from ‘turn the other cheek’, this guide is a really practical resource which could equally help anyone leaving a relationship which has been marred by domestic abuse. I wish someone had stuck it in my hand before my divorce.

It is specifically for women leaving a male abuser. I hope they (the authors) will go on and create one for men leaving abusive relationships.

Throughout the guide are useful spaces for personal notes, reflecting the fact that this is a helpful, practical guide, dealing with difficult emotional issues, and acknowledging that many abused women will also be parents.

About the guide

Its multiple authors break into small chunks what domestic abuse is, what it looks like. The second section is invaluable: managing the practicalities after leaving. It pulls no punches. For many of us, leaving a relationship means losing our homes, the shared burden of finances and childcare. The guide tackles this and behind it is a tacit acknowledgement that for many people who’ve been in abusive relationships, this may mean starting from ground up.

The healing and recovery section which follows is a format I love.Many of the chapters in this section are as helpful for other kinds of sexual abuse, including sexual grooming, as for those recovering from/escaping from a domestic abuse situation. The guide doesn’t shy away from the need for building back boundaries. It tackles, head on, infidelity, porn and mental/physical wellbeing.

Although clearly coming from a Christian viewpoint, the handbook leaves until the end the theological issues. It is a fabulous discussion, with a clear message: if you’re in an abusive relationship, the scriptures support you. God opposes those who abuse others.

While Scripture may have been used to keep us quiet about our experiences of abuse, to urge us to stay with an abusive partner, and even to justify the abuse, the Bible is clear that God opposes those who oppress, marginalise and abuse others.

Ally Kern, Restored, Chapter23, What Does the Bible Really Say About Domestic Abuse.

The expertise called upon to create this handbook reflect the work of Restored, which is an international Christian alliance that raises awareness and works towards ending violence against women. Chapters are written by experts in their fields, too many (14) to mention here.

Recommended reading

I have no hesitation in recommending this useful resource to women of all faiths.

Apart from anything else, it offers faith a valuable role in a modern world where religion can often be seen as at best irrelevant, at worst toxic.

I would love to see similar guides created by people of other faiths. Frankly, it would probably be useful for Christian leaders as well.

Restored, A handbook for Female Christian Survivors of Domestic Abuse, edited by Esther Sweetman (First Edition) can be obtained free (subject to availability) by contacting info@restoredrelationshops.org

Power and Control: Grooming Adults

This video, “Grooming Happens to Grown Ups Too” by Sarah McDugal is a great case study in adult grooming and a great summary of what adult grooming looks like.

It’s tempting to view this as just someone trying to hit on a woman.

But the patterns she’s showing are repeated patterns – a pastor is trying to hit on her. The testing the water, the targeting. The guilt plays. The excuses. The power trip. The entitlement. Passing off something insulting as a joke.

Our research into grooming reveals that it is often people in positions of power and authority who try and groom. Pastoral abuse is often in the headlines. This video helps explain why it is.

Women often fall prey to this and wonder if they are misreading the situation. We want to see the best in people, and don’t want to anger someone by using the clear retorts that were given in this story.

So as a summary, this video helps us get to a clearer understanding of grooming.

Her advice is sound: our research shows that most people who’ve been groomed know/knew something was up – follow your gut.

Participate in our research into grooming if you’ve ever been sucked in: grooming research

Contact CAAGe: here

Photo by Monica Silva on Unsplash

Sex with a Narcissist

One of the latest videos created by the CAAGe counselling psychologist, Wendy Gregory.

(CAAGe is the Campaign Against Adult Grooming)

Wendy talks about why sex with a narcissist is different, especially once you get past the initial lovebombing phase.

In this video, Wendy helps us learn about edging, and about the consequences of refusing or rejecting a narcissist, which are rarely great.

And she issues a reminder to listen to yourself, to trust your instinct, and to take your own power back!

If you need help having had a relationship with a narcissist, please contact Wendy Gregory through CAAGe: Contact us

Photo by Charles 🇵🇭 on Unsplash